Remember when the legendary scholar, art connoisseur, lyricist, philosopher and Shakespeare’s understudy Bruno Mars first of his name, wrote “I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin’ bad. Buy all of the things I’ve never had..” He wrote that part for me. I might be in my poor and miserable era at the moment but one day, I’ll be able to walk into a supermarket and not hyperventilate at the price’s… Or you know, afford rent!
Anyway, I really wish I could show you just how breathtaking my villages’ night sky is. With just one glance, your depression will be shouting ‘aloha‘ from out of space. Is this false advertising? Definitely! But this is not a safe place for mentally stable people so…just go with it. Most nights, I find myself outside gazing upon the moon and the stars.
FYI, I don’t know who needs to hear this but the perfect date would be me plus you under the moonlight trying to find the constellations. Not that I know any…I’m just saying.
The moon makes me dream. It gives me hope. Every time I look at it, I know that wherever I go I’ll always carry a piece of home with me. Sometimes I wish that it could tell tales. Imagine all that it has seen and heard; The beginning of time, evolution of man, imagine all the lovers who have sworn undying affection under its shining light millennia after Millennia, all the dreamers of old and now who whisper their dreams to it…
As you can see, I have a tendency to over think things. Still, the thought that the same moon I gaze upon on most nights, is the same one someone as far away as the Himalayas is also probably looking up at, is….endearing? Bewildering? Entrancing? Idk. I’m still trying to find the perfect word to describe it.
Unemployment has left me with a lot of free time to think about my life and so to numb out the pain, I’ve turned to overstimulating my brain with Filipino soap operas from the Early 2000s and cooking/ mukbang videos on YouTube. That echotin love team is fueling my life force right now. I thank them for their service. Also, watching people stuff their faces in with enough food to feed two households in my village, should not be that addictive.
The problem with me is ( just kidding, bar a few mental issues I’m literaly perfect) I convinced myself at a very young age that I was destined for great things. I don’t care what past me has gone through or what present me is going through, future me will be unstoppable. I want to be everything and nothing. I want to dance and eat ice cream in the rain. I want to write books and poems . I want to sing and dance. I want to be a CEO but I also want to be a stay at home mom. I want to be a trophy wife. I want to be famous and I also want to live like a hermit. I want to fall in love. I want to be a teacher. I want to be a philanthropist. I want to be a model. I want to do it all!
And that’s on being delusional besties!welcome to class 101 on my Psyche.
When I was a kid, apart from wanting to be a doctor and pilot –at the same time- I also wanted to become a journalist. Its not that I felt particularly called to that field but because of how mesmerised I was by the newscasters. They were the embodiment of everything younger me wanted to be like when she grew up; Eloquent, brilliant, well dressed and beautiful. Before you ask, I am still waiting to grow up.
Alexa, play I have a dream by westlife.
We all have exceptional women that we look up to. Women who’s influence is felt far and wide, women who walk into rooms and change things, women who inspire generations, women who women like no women have ever womened before! Here, we had one of those. We had Wangari Maathai. Miss girl stared patriarchy, dictatorship and sexism In the face and said deuces! A leader, a Nobel peace price winner, a writer, a mother,an environmental activist, an icon. She was everything!
Do you know that the then president decided to build skyscrapers in the only park in the city? The dictator that he was, I doubt he ever expected a woman to defy him. She mobilized other women and they moved into the park and refused to give way for the demolitions. For days they didn’t eat or drink. And when the cops were eventually ordered to beat them into submission, they removed their cloths and dared them to see their mothers nakedness.
Titties out for the revolution!
I tried demonstrating once and honestly, running away from the cops and tear gas was the most gruelling exercise my bones have gotten since the summer of ’99 when I was born and I swore to never do that again. Still, if I hope to be even a fraction of the women she was, I need to get off my ass… Expeditiously.
I am inspired by the generations of women that have come before me. The sacrifices that they made and the dreams they deferred just so we could realize our own. Just so we had a chance to do what they couldn’t. I think about how my paternal grandmother came from such impoverished conditioned that she never went to school and had to be married off young. I think about how my maternal grandmother had to sell second hand cloths for years at their local market to support her family. I think about how my mom would carry me and go to look for odd jobs in peoples farms. I think about myself and how achieving my dreams is for them too.
When I look at it, its a very long and exhausting line of hardship that I am determined to break. I want to be the change that I wish I could see in the world.
PS: And remember, people can only weaponize your fears if you give them the power to do so.