Breathtaking, yes?
I can’t believe I got to capture that! It literally looks like a painter made the sky their canvas. I’m overreacting, you say? Its okay if you don’t see the beauty in that Cynthia, unlike your boyfriends face, art is subjective.
Listen, sometimes its okay to get your head out of your ass and look at the world around you. There exists so much out there. Nature is the most dramatic friend you’ll ever meet. Fr! Seriously, get off your phone for five minutes and go sit outside. Take a picture even. Breath. Create memories with yourself. Heal with nature. I know I sound like a hippie suffering from withdrawals, but I know what I’m saying.
At least I’m not telling you to go hug a tree!
I was minding my lonesome business, spacing out and getting lost in the vastness of my mind, when two bees fell right next to me. At first glance, it looked like they were fighting. The buzzing and wriggling was so frantic, it could only mean that hands were being thrown… In my mind at least. Wait, do bees have hands? Dammit! I knew I should have paid more attention in biology class!
The only bee I have knowledge on is Beyonce!
Apparently, they weren’t fighting…technically. Oh, no. After closer inspection (because, lord help me, I was bored and curious enough to stick my nose into dangerous territories) it became clear that they were rather busy doing.. Something else. If I were a proper lady, I’d say that they were trying to know each other biblically. Alas! Lady propriety said deuces and jumped out the freaking window, when those two decided to screw out in the open. Right in front of me! I could have stepped on them. How would they have explained it to the other bees in bee heaven, that they we coming and going at the same time.
What abhorrent manners!
My flabber was gasted, okay? We’ve established that my knowledge on bee-ology is limited. Non existent even. So quick question, are bees into exhibitionism? And before you ask how I know what that means, girl, I had a wattpad phase! So, are they? I mean, I don’t see why it had to bend its nyash in front of my innocent, bystander eyes. I think I need therapy. Who do I call? Animal control? A priest?
FYI, I didn’t stick around to find out who won the fight, or else I’d have inadvertently solidified my place as a permanent resident of rock bottomville. However, and I’m not shaming anyone, I did notice that a few seconds after, one of them flew away, leaving the other rolling and buzzing on the ground. Listen, I know a woman scorned when I see one. I could tell she was furious. Did I accidentally witness a case of a one minute..bee?
A beetrayal, if you will!
Safe to say, I’ll never look at a bee the same way ever again. Beelive me! I have fears, unfortunately, and being flashed in broad daylight is one them. Another, is cannibalism. I know, what a drastic turn, right? From eating to…Eating. I don’t know about bees, but do you know that there are other carnivores that find pleasure in eating their err.. Partners? I bet that bee would have appreciated getting eaten. I’m sorry!
I wish I had the attention span needed to understand science because it’s so interesting. And its not only animals that practice cannibalism. There are communities that do it too. No, I am not talking about that one aunty from your fathers side of the family, whom you’re convinced would have already used you for ritual sacrifice if not for the fact that your Mom is a prayer warrior. Obashata!
Why does that side always give demonic vibes!
There are people that actually feast upon the flesh of other people. Disturbing, I know. Think, hannibal lecter. It needs to be said though, that the American obsession with creeps and rebranding then as hot, troubled, individuals is psychological, but I don’t know any Americans to make an informed assessment.
That being said, one of my biggest fears, is finally getting on a plane, and it ends up crashing somewhere totally obscure. Then we have to eat each other to survive. Or get stranded with a community that appreciates a nice collarbone broth. The chances of that are one in a million, but you don’t know my village people! My fears might be far fetched but they are valid. Haven’t you heard about that one story? There’s even a book about it. I’m just putting this out there, but my base state of mind for years has been stress and anxiety, so I probably taste like rotten cardboard.
Just saying!
I’m convinced that that there are people out there, who would bite me if they got hungry enough. One, is politicians. I don’t need to explain further! Two, is the people that eat their meat rare. Brian, the essence of the cow is flooding your plate. I can hear its mooo from the after life. Why don’t you pull up your knickers, go out and hunt it with your own bare hands, then eat it raw out in the wild, just like the cavemen did! Lastly, people that eat exotic foods all in the name of a versatile palette. Sir, why are you putting a snake in your mouth? Do you want to bite my hand next!
Like I said, my fears are absolutely valid. And completely rational. I am afraid of bees. I am afraid of ever running into cannibals. I am afraid of the dark. I am afraid of crowded spaces. I’m afraid of marrying the wrong person. I’m afraid of wearing heels and breaking my back in seven different places. I’m afraid of public speaking while unaware of a piece of spinach stuck between my teeth. It has happened and I still need a safe space! I’m afraid of anyone ever seeing me dance because I look like a constipated gargoyle.
A rhythmless, constipated gargoyle!
I am also afraid of people that get angry and start throwing things. Or punching walls. Or does that only happen in Hollywood? When I get angry, I cry… Mainly because I’m emotionally unregulated but who cares. Also, I can’t throw a punch to save my life. And to be honest, if I ever have to throw anything in a fit of anger, its probably gonna be myself. I, for instance, can’t imagine trashing my phone because I’m angry. Have you seen the prices of these things? Am I buying a new phone or putting a down payment for a house!
My phone is literally on life support but I would never get angry enough to smash it into the wall. Lord knows I have wished I could though. Every time it overheats, takes three business days for a full charge, which barely lasts two hours, constantly freezes and has more cracks than your relationship, I am tempted. The thing is, I am simply not rich enough for such displays of depravity. The most I can do is calling it names. Piece of trash, is a favorite.. Or ng’ombe if I’m feeling particularly spirited!
Can’t imagine my life without it though.
It keeps me warm! Scorchingly warm.
DIARY OF A VILLAGE GIRL 